BOB ETTINGER
A Bob Ettinger column...
It could be easy for John and Jessica Buskirk to take on more of the personality of Ebeneezer Scrooge than they would Tiny Tim during the holidays. After all, they spent their first three Christmases as a married couple at the Cleveland Clinic while John battled with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia (ALL).
Odds are, the couple will once again be together today in the spot they’d least like to spend those precious moments. The leukemia has returned — again.
But instead of dwelling on the negatives or the sad possibilities, the Buskirks will be counting their blessings.
“I think (we’ll be counting our blessings),” John said from his hospital room at The Clinic. “There are still more good days than bad, even with all the crap that’s going on. It’s a little bit harder (on us). Life is tough, but it’s good. You’re tested when you’re broken down. It’s more a test of your reactions to things. Who you are is defined by how you act.
“What will you be flexible about (when times are tough)? What will you be foolish and stupid about? This holiday season, without a doubt, we’ll counting our blessings.”
And during a very dark hour in their lives, John, an assistant football coach at SS. John and Paul, and Jessica were shown a very bright light — actually, a pair of bright lights. A pair of true blessings.
Jessica recently received the news she was pregnant, but that was what the couple was trying to accomplish all along, so no surprise there, really. The shocker was delivered when the pair were given the results of their first ultrasound.
They are expecting identical twins.
“Blessings come in great packages,” John, a 1993 St. John graduate, said. “God knows when you need something. To be given a gift like that makes such a difference overall.
“It gives Jess and I something above ourselves to focus on and work toward. It gives us a future. It was the hardest thing, that first week.”
Despite being in the hospital, John was able to be at Jessica’s side when she received the news.
“We were at the same clinic,” Jessica said. “He was able to slip away from the chemo and be at the first ultrasound with me. When the doctor said identical twins, it was the second shock for us that week. It was definitely a huge shock.”
The prognosis is pretty good for John. If the chemotherapy treatments he is receiving kick the ALL remission once again, he can receive a second bone marrow transplant from his brother, Bill, in mid-to-late January or early February. The transplant could come later if there are any setbacks.
“He’s done with this round of chemo,” Jessica said. “It’s a matter of getting rid of the infection (that he currently is battling) and going through all the tests he went through before the last transplant. It’s a matter of making sure his organs can take the harsh chemo for the transplant.
“Anything could hold (the transplant) up. If he’s gets an infection, that will hold it up. If the biopsy shows more leukemia, that will hold it up. The first round of chemo should have knocked (the ALL) back into remission. He can’t take the full-body chemo he had last time. His body just can’t take it. He’ll have three types of chemo leading up to the transplant.”
Though they are counting their blessings, the Buskirks are not exactly happy with the fate they’ve been dealt during the four Christmas seasons of their married life, either.
“In the relatively short period of time we’ve been married, we haven’t been able to spend a Christmas together at home,” John said as a simple matter of record.
“The holidays pretty much suck,” Jessica, a 1997 graduate of St. John, said. “My mom and I leave for The Clinic every holiday. Every holiday, we’re at the hospital. Hopefully, nothing bad will happen this time. Hopefully, he’ll get better.”
On Dec. 14, 2005, John was diagnosed with ALL. After the couple was home from the Clinic for roughly 20 hours on Christmas eve of that year, Jessica had to rush John to the hospital early Christmas morning. The next year, he had suffered his first relapse and last year, he was in the hospital after receiving a bone marrow transplant from Bill Buskirk on Nov. 5.
“I’m more frustrated than down,” John said. “I’m ticked off. I’m frustrated and it makes me mad, but I don’t let it bring me down. We miss the traditional Christmas with her parents and Christmas Eve with my folks. Now that our families are getting larger, a lot of the time this is the only time of the year we get to see some of those people.
“We’re supposed to be in the best part of our lives. We’re supposed to be focusing on each other and our children instead of trying to explain what our medical histories are.”
We all think of home during the holidays, especially when we can’t be there while the family gathers to celebrate. But, for the Buskirks, that longing is a little more pronounced.
“The holidays always make me think of home,” John said. “One bright thing for us, the community is taking care of Jess and I. When they send us cards, it boosts our spirits. That they take time out of their already busy lives to think of us, as well, is moving.
“So many people in the communities in Geneva, Ashtabula, Painesville and Cleveland, my friends in New York City, have come through for us. They call to talk with us. It helps us to count our blessings with that many people in our corner. It’s a huge boost for us. We hope to be able to one day help them out in return.”
The people the Buskirks have heard from don’t stop at current residents of the area.
Former residents that still have ties to Ashtabula have also been in contact, none more famous than 1982 St. John graduate and University of Florida football coach Urban Meyer.
“(It surprised me) just a little bit,” John said. “It was good to hear from him. I have tremendous respect for Coach Meyer. I hope he goes whups on the Sooners (of Oklahoma University). I hope I can watch the game from my house on the big screen rather than on the little hospital TV. I would count that as a blessing.
“We’ve really become close. We talked briefly in the summer when he was home and I called to congratulate his daughter, Nikki, for signing to play volleyball at Georgia Tech. I know he’s busy with preparing for the national championship game and it’s the principal recruiting season. For him to take time out of his day to call me amazes me. That gave me a huge boost.”
Meyer had invited the Buskirks down to Gainesville last spring for spring practice and spent some time with them. They took an instant liking to each other and have kept in contact over the last several months.
“(SJP basketball coach) Tom Penna is a good friend from back home and he told me about John,” Meyer said Monday night. “I called (John, last spring) and we’ve become pretty good friends. He tries not to get down in the dumps. I’ve talked with him and (Jessica). He’s a fighter, a tough guy. I pray for him every night.
“I’m humbled (that I can be inspirational to John and Jessica). I take any chance I can (to help people). There are so many requests being the head coach at Florida, but he’s from my hometown, we have a lot of the same friends and he’s on the (coaching staff) at my school there. I’m humbled that I can do that things like that. Wish John the very best for me.”
A big pillar of support has been John’s friend and coaching colleague Jim Timonere, the head football coach at SJP. Timonere graduated from St. John assistant under Buskirk at St. John the year he was the head coach there. When Timonere took over the program, John had pushed the ALL into remission and had some free time and took a position on the staff as an assistant.
Timonere and his wife, Janice, a 1995 Edgewood grad, have become good friends with the Buskirks through that time. That relationship has helped both the Buskirks and the Timoneres.
“(Timonere’s) helped us a lot,” John said. “His number is one of the first we have on speed dial. He’s a close friend that I trust. He’s one of the first to get any news. Jim and Jan and Jess and I are tight and if anything, we’ll get tighter.”
John was instrumental in helping the Timoneres when their daughter, Jenna, was born with Turner’s Syndrome and had to have open-heart surgery just days after birth.
“Jim and I have become really close the last three years,” John said. “My experience and then (Jenna’s) heart defect brought us a lot closer. Maybe it inspired Jim a little bit to see you can have a tragedy and still maintain some balance and function.
“That might have been inspirational to Jim. I’m glad I could step in and help Jim and the boys in the (SJP football) program.”
It still amazes John and Jess that all of the communities in the area are still supporting them in a number of ways.
“It surprises me every time (somebody thinks of us),” Buskirk said. “So many different people we didn’t know or barely knew have become new friends we’ve made.
“It amazes me. They’ve sent cards or money and have kept us in their prayers. We’re grateful to get each and every one of those cards. People have enough of their problems and it gives me an emotional boost. When I have a regular room, Jess hangs all the cards around the room. I get seven or eight a day. It’s nice they think of me.”
In a small way, John and Jessica have come to expect the holiday season to bring some bad news with it.
“It looms in the corner,” John said. “We talk about it, we don’t shun it. This year, we were planning on going to Vegas. We were going to do what we were going to do. We were trying to be our own boss.
“Before, we hesitated to plan a vacation. We felt comfortable trying to get out of town and made a shot for Vegas. That bit us in the ass.”
Despite the battle for his own life, John is understandably more worried for Jessica and their unborn babies than he is for himself. He’s always concerned about his dogs and the football team at SJP.
“The first week, I was by myself becuse he was in the hospital,” Jessica said. “He’s all nerves. He’s looking out for me. It’s nice. He makes sure I relax and he makes sure I eat OK. He tried to make sure I get enough rest. He wants to make sure I’m OK.
“It’s hard for him to know he’s not here to take care of me. It’s weird to see him fighting for his life and it’s me he’s worried about. He’s thinking of me and and the dogs. He’s worried about what his football players are thinking. Four of the seniors came to visit him the other day. He really enjoyed that. They’re great kids.”
But John cares so deeply for Jessica, the only way he knows is to make sure everything is good for her.
“She’s so stressed out, anyway, and she’s already not feeling good, on top of that, I’m in here and that’s a lot more stress on her,” Buskirk said, as the emotions of the situation starts to show in his voice. “I hate to see her look nearly as bad as me. She is so awesome, I don’t know how else to put it.
“I’m just a lucky man.”
One of the babies is bigger than the other right now and has a stronger heartbeat.
“We were able to see the picture,” Jessica said. “One is big and the other one is small. When I went for the second ultrasound, I expected it not to be there. It had a little flicker of a heartbeat.
“(John is) so excited. This gives him something more to fight for. Knowing we’re going to have two kids makes me think he definitely has more to fight for.”
And the latest ordeal has been hard on Jessica. Not only because she has John to worry about, she now has the babies as a top priority.
“It is difficult,” Jessica said. “It’s been really hard. I know I’m pregnant, then there’s this whole new added stress. The whole three years we’ve been through together has been tough.”
But it’s the Buskirk’s love and admiration for each other that’s got them through.
“I don’t know how we do it,” Jessica said. “We love each other and we’ve done it before. (John’s) attitude amazes me. He looks at it as he just has to beat it again. He’s amazing.
“He looks at it as nothing bad is going to happen. He’s not going to die. Honestly, I don’t know how we’ve done it. To go through it again is hard, but we’ve got to do it. Our parents, families and friends help. The doctors are the best. He’s at the best possible place (he can be to fight the ALL), that helps, too.”
The surprise the Buskirks received from the news of the twins was only slightly less than the shock they received when John was informed on Dec. 10 the ALL had returned.
“I was on top of the world after Jake (Phelps) and Stevie (Robison) won their awards (at the Awards Dinner for the Ashtabula County Touchdown Club on Dec. 8),” John said. “I was glad I had stayed and talked to them and all the other guys that were receognized for the (Star Beacon) all-county team. I only had one grad class left and a project due. I was working on my schedule to return to work (as a teacher at Harvey High School).
“It was a real floor job for me. It totally knocked me on my keister. I was just snow blowing for two hours on (Dec. 6).”
“It was a huge shock,” Jessica said. “He was happy to see Jake and Steve receive their awards. We just found out I was pregnant. He was excited to be getting back to work. He kept texting me all day (Dec. 10). He was saying I needed to call him right away.
“When I finally made that call and he told me we had to get to the hospital I thought it was a terrible joke. It was a huge shock. I definitely did not expect that.”
In typical fashion, John called Timonere, told him the news, and proceeded to talk about the Touchdown Club banquet and football.
“He called Jim to let him know and then he started talking about the Touchdown Club,” Jessica said. “It didn’t faze him. He was talking about football. But, in the back of his head, he was getting ready to go back to the hospital.”
The news of twins was only less of a surprise than the return of the ALL because some of Jessica’s friends and several nurses had seen how big the babies had grown in a short period of time and teased her that she was having twins.
“A lot of people that had seen me prior to finding out had said it’s got to be twins,” she said. “I was showing pretty good for being only six weeks pregnant. In the hospital, all the nurses were saying it was twins because I shouldn’t be this big.
“We had an idea (it was twins). By being told by so many people, the idea had set in.”
The day he was admitted to The Clinic, John didn’t even think there was anything wrong. In fact, he was probably in better physical condition than some of his family members at the time.
“All of a sudden, we were driving to the hospital and I didn’t feel all that bad,” John said. “I felt better than some of the other people in the car. It was an absolute shocker. It came at the hardest time it could. It came when we were trying to get pregnant, I had a lot to do and there was just a lot going on.
“There was a window there, that if I could have just made it through the next couple of days — made it through to Friday — I could’ve done everything I needed to have done. In reality, it threw us 360 degrees again and we were on a totally different axis. I really think it was a huge shock, not so much physically as emotionally and spiritually for both Jess and I.”
Despite having been through the process before, Jessica can’t help but worry. After all, it’s only natural to think of what could happen to someone she loves so much. But she also has faith.
“All I’ve been thinking about is what if he doesn’t make it through this time,” Jessica said. “If he can’t have another transplant, I’ll be by myself. I’ll be pregnant by myself. I’ll go through labor by myself without him.
“He’s not going anywhere. It’s hard to get the news. First, I had to think about this. It shouldn’t be happening. He had the transplant. But the doctors are amazed at how strong he is.”
Ettinger is a sports writer for the Star Beacon. Reach him at bettinger@starbeacon.com.
