I would like to report this Sunday morning (or whenever you read this column) about some uplifting, positive topic.

Unfortunately, I feel compelled to discuss with you something darker that you need to be aware of.

Please be seated. Take a breath. Ready?

Movie theater popcorn is really expensive.

There, you now know it. Movie theater popcorn is one of the big ripoffs recently reported by CNN.

I learned first-hand about movie theater popcorn as a kid. We would go to the Ashtabula Cinemas out in Saybrook (remember those?) and buy popcorn and watch a movie. The popcorn at the time was maybe $1.50. Afterward, we would stop at Hill’s Department Store in the Saybrook Plaza. Walk in the front and be hit with the delicious smell of popcorn, at 15 cents a bag. One-tenth the price!

As far as ripoffs go, this one is understandable, even though CNN says it is a 900-percent markup. When you spend $8 or so to see a movie, much of that goes right back to the film company and distributors. Very little goes to the theater. The theater must make money somehow. The end result, jack up the prices at the concession stand.

In essence, the movie is the hook to get you to buy the popcorn and soda pop and candy that create the profit.

Less forgivable is the cost of texting, which CNN calls the biggest ripoff. The markup: 6,500 percent. Wow! Why not text that nugget of information to a friend? Well, maybe not. The cost of a 160-character message going out on a pay-as-you-go plan is 20 cents and 10 cents to receive one. The provider’s cost for the service is virtually nothing. It is pure profit. So even those plans where you pay one price for unlimited texting is a 900-percent markup!

Not mentioned in the article, but there is payment required on both ends. Now recently I sent the cutest grandson ever, Henry, a copy of a Rolling Stones lullaby CD for about $13 from Amazon.com. If this worked like texting, Henry’s parents, including my cheapskate son Derek, would have to pay $6.50 to receive it. With Derek being cheap, he would have refused the shipment and Handsome Henry would never hear “Brown Sugar” as a lullaby.

Other ripoffs? No. 3 is freecreditreport.com. Well, anytime you see or hear “free” or the redundant “free gift” you know it will cost. Freecreditreport.com actually costs $179 a year. When you enroll, it dings your credit card $14.99 per month for a credit monitoring service. Ah, at least here they give you an alternative that actually is free, annualcreditreport.com. You know it is free because it doesn’t have the word “free” in the title.

CNN says you pay 160 percent more for brand-name painkillers in fancy containers while the store-brand stuff by law has the same ingredients and does the same thing. (Too bad there isn’t store-brand texting.)

Restaurant wine has a 500-percent markup. No surprise there, but then again there is probably a similar markup on Diet Coke.

The next one is really bad. College students pay $900 a year for textbooks. Costs have risen more than twice that of inflation! And I used to complain about paying $50 a quarter for books. But then college students are used to being ripped off. They just pay the loans off the rest of their lives.

Premium gasoline has a 15-percent markup. Not so bad when compared to texting. But the extra cost, for many vehicles, doesn’t add to performance, experts say.

“It’s like feeding your dog more expensive food and expecting it to jump higher,” says Gabriel Shenhar, senior auto test engineer at Consumer Reports.

Here’s a shocker: Hotel mini-bars charge a 1,300-percent markup. Except in movies, has anyone ever actually taken anything from one of these things? Well, anyone not on an expense account? Is anyone so in need of a caffeine fix he or she will spend $5 for a room-temperature can of Diet Pepsi?

And finally, a 200-percent markup for movies in hotels. Frankly, I see them going the way of phone booths. Chances are, many people traveling have their laptop with them where they have access to Netflix streaming and other cheaper alternatives.

Also, most hotels offer premium channels like HBO and Showtime for free. Do you really need pay movies when you get “Big Love” for free?

As an alternative, I did a search for “biggest bargains,” but as you might guess, all I found was a bunch of advertisements.

I did find a Web site, http://frugalliving.about.com/od/bargainshopping/tp/Best_Time_To_Buy_Everything.htm, that tells you the best time to buy certain products. February is a good time to buy chocolate, steak and seafood, providing it is AFTER Valentine’s Day. It is also a good time, even if before Valentine’s Day, to buy oatmeal. Really. Not sure about cream of wheat.

Wonder if there is a better month to text?

Lebzelter is special sections editor. E-mail him at bobleb@starbeacon.com. Read past columns at bobleb.blogspot.com.