This review may be a bit different than usual because the movie is a bit different.
That’s not in a good way.
“Funny Games” is indeed about a game, but there’s nothing funny in this film.
Well, it might be funny to someone who pulls wings off flies and tortures small animals. It might be funny to serial killer-wannabes too.
Spoiler alert: The film is so violent with no redeeming qualities, I’ll give away more of the plot than usual to illustrate the point and dissuade you from renting or (gasp) buying it.
You have to be a special kind of person to like this movie and if you do, I hope you don’t live in my neighborhood.
Cute Naomi Watts, who won everyone’s heart in “King Kong,” allows herself to be debased in this sad, sick film.
Watts and Tim Farber play a wealthy couple with a summer home on Long Island. They and son (Devon Gearhart) ready for summer vacation. They notice their vacation neighbors seem a bit uneasy and have two guests, Paul and Peter, played by Michael Pitt and Brady Corbet.
The pair end up at the Watts-Farber home to supposedly borrow eggs. But this, like everything the pair does, is part of a cruel and violent game.
The two are super polite as they hold the family captive, taunting them. They make Watts’ character strip to her underwear to solve a debate on whether she was getting chunky. (She wasn’t.) She spends much of the rest of the film in her underwear, crying and convulsing.
This is a nearly shot-by-shot remake of a European film director Michael Haneke made a decade earlier.
Haneke also wrote the story. Why anyone would want to relive such a nightmare of a movie using different actors is beyond me.
The two young psycopaths tell the family they doubt if they will live through the next day.
Husband Roth quickly has his legs broken with a golf club. The family dog is murdered and the Watts character must walk around the yard being told she’s “hot” or “cold” as far as finding the body. Eventually, she opens the car door and we see the lifeless dog’s body fall out.
Such entertainment.
The young son escapes and rushes to the neighbors’ house. Aw, but we’ve already figured out the couple there are dead. Yes, the two men kept that family captive before killing them, just as they are doing with Watts and crew.
Paul and Peter, of course, eventually catch up with the young boy, who red-faced and in hysterics, cries uncontrollably as he is brought back.
Out of the blue, the bad boys turn to the camera and speak to the movie goers. This happens maybe twice, like it was an idea the filmmaker wanted to do, but then forgot to execute it much.
So it is more like we are taken back and confused by the procedure.
The Watts character is able to escape for a time, but she is picked back up.
One of the sickest scenes involves the hysterical son, who is shot and killed by a rifle, his blood splattered on the walls and TV for us to see during much of the rest of the movie.
Husband is eventually killed as well, leaving the Watts character to try to save her life.
But here is where the film cheats. Maybe it is supposed to be a social commentary or some sort of satire on America’s love of voilent films. Whatever the point, it was lost on me and the original film didn’t take place in the U.S.
So Watts gets the gun and kills one of the psychos. But the laws of time and physics work for the killers. The death is “rewound,” the killer is suddenly alive again.
So you see, entering this bizarre fantasy state, Watts’ chances of survival are nil.
By this time nobody cares anyway.
The film ends with the boys going to the next house in the resort area to borrow eggs, with Watts’ body at the bottom of the lake.
This film took 111 minutes of my life away. I added the spoilers to convince you to stay away. Keep those 111 minutes, cherish them.
Write some poetry. Read some good literature. Volunteer somewhere during those 111 minutes. Give blood during those 111 minutes.
Just stay the hell away from this film.
FUNNY GAMES
• Directed and written by Michael Haneke
• Runtime: 111 minutes.
• Rated R for terror, violence and some language
• No stars out of 5
WEEKENDER / Entertainment
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Beware! Stay away from ‘Funny Games’
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